1. Zionists go wild

Is Mossad on strike? Why else would the Zionist entity sanction the use of wildlife to spy on its enemies? According to its neighbours, Israel is using birds and animals to gather intelligence. In May 2012, a Turkish farmer found a deceased European bee-eater with a tag on its leg saying “Israel.” What made the Turkish authorities particularly suspicious was that the bird had "unusually large nostrils.” This raised suspicions that the bird was "implanted with a surveillance device" and had been sent to Turkey as part of an espionage mission.

In 2011, Saudi Arabian officials detained a vulture on the grounds that it was an Israeli spy. The vulture, which was tagged by Tel Aviv University as part of a migration study, prompted rumours that it was part of a "Zionist plot.” And in the previous year, Egypt said it was “not out of the question” that Mossad had planted a killer shark in the waters off Sharm el-Sheikh in order to “hit tourism.”

In 2007, Iranian authorities blew the lid on what has to be the most devilish of Zionist-animal conspiracies. According to reports, intelligence [sic] operatives detained over a dozen squirrels which were operating on Iranian soil. Iran’s news agency IRNA stated:  “In recent weeks, intelligence operatives have arrested 14 squirrels within Iran’s borders […] The squirrels were carrying spy gear of foreign agencies, and were stopped before they could act, thanks to the alertness of our intelligence services.”

Let's hope the squirrels weren't tortured.

Breaking news:  I shouldn’t be revealing state secrets, but I feel readers ought to know that our Zionist overlords are currently in the process of training wild geese to drop bombs on Iran's nuclear facilities. I’ve also heard a rumour that stray cats in Jerusalem are being recruited to go undercover in Gaza and infiltrate Hamas. But as I said, it’s just a rumour. Or is it?



2. Zionists rule the world OK

According to some conspiracy theorists, the USA is secretly controlled by Jews. Consecutive administrations – both Democrat and Republican – are just puppet regimes.

The Zionist Occupied Government theory or ZOG came to light in 1976 in an article cleverly entitled “Welcome to ZOG-World” by American neo-Nazi Eric Thomson.

In the mid-1990s, the Aryan Nations accused the Clinton administration of handing over government power to “private corporations, White traitors and ruling class Jewish families."

The belief that Jews control the media, banks, corporations, governments and Hollywood is widespread on the Far Right and in the Arab world. But if Jews really did control all these institutions, why is the media so biased against Israel? Perhaps it’s a double bluff.

One cannot help but be reminded of the New World Order conspiracy theory, whereby a secret elite is scheming to rule the world through an authoritarian world government. Sounds like the European Union to me.

Between the two world wars, fascist propagandists popularized the myth of the Illuminati, a subversive secret society in the pockets of a Jewish elite. Apparently, in an attempt to divide the world, the Jews were the architects of capitalism and communism.

At the heart of many of these Jews-rule-the-world scenarios is the Rothschild family. A European dynasty, of German-Jewish origin, the Rothschilds established European banking and finance houses at the end of the 18th century. Since then, the Rothschilds have frequently been the subject of conspiracy theories, such as claiming that the family controls world capital or encourages wars between nations.

The Freemasons, often linked to international Zionists in the minds of conspiracy theorists, have also been accused of conspiring to bring about a world government, perhaps with Jerusalem as its capital.

A lot of this nonsense derives from notorious anti-Semitic forgery The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which not only had a compelling effect on Hitler, it is now required reading in the Middle East. It is also mentioned in the Hamas charter. Originally published in Russian in 1903, the Protocols alleges a Judeo-Masonic conspiracy to achieve world domination. The text claims to be the minutes of secret meetings in which Jewish masterminds plan to rule the world on behalf of all Jews.

The most famous of contemporary conspiracy theorists is David Icke who believes that a secret group of reptilian humanoids called the Babylonian Brotherhood controls humanity. Members of the brotherhood include George W. Bush, Queen Elizabeth II and Kris Kristofferson(!) In his book, The Robots' Rebellion, Icke introduced the idea that a nefarious plan for world domination is laid out in The Protocols.

According to Icke, being labelled an anti-Semite is “an honour these days.”  Icke’s definition of anti-Semite is “someone who is against the Jewish criminal gang that dominates the global power structure.”

The question is where do Jews find the time to oppress the Palestinians, run the banks, control the media and rule the world?



3Zionists and 9/11

Conspiracy theorists across the political spectrum claim that Israel masterminded the 9/11 terrorist attacks. A variant on the theory is that Jews in the Bush administration conspired with the Israelis to bring down the Twin Towers.

Such drivel derives from a rumour that Mossad contacted 4,000 American Jews before the attack, warning them to stay at home.

The fact that a Manhattan synagogue lost six of its members and 130 Israeli nationals were killed on September 11th seems to have escaped the attention of the conspiracy nutjobs. In total, the number of Jews who died in the attacks is estimated at between 270 and 400.

The view that Israel was behind the atrocities is popular on the Far Right and in the Muslim world. Mossad, they claim, trained the 9/11 hijackers  in order to provoke a war on terror.

Not only that, 9/11 was orchestrated so that America would clear the way for an Israeli takeover of all the lands in the Middle East from the Mediterranean Sea to the Tigris and Euphrates rivers.

Conspiracy theorist Michael Pardo, who refers to himself as “an independent researcher who revealed several years ago that the speed of light was not constant,” has made his views pretty clear:

“The real truth is that the entire Iraqi war ploy again exemplifies how the Rothschild family still has the upper hand and holds sway over the Illuminist element of the New World Order conspiracy, and can and will have their way whenever they want to.”

Left-wing sociologist James Petras believes that the truth about Israel and 9/11 is unlikely to become public knowledge. Why? “For the very reason that it would expose Israeli influence in the U.S. via its secret agents.” He also blames the Jewish diaspora for covering up Israel’s alleged involvement.





4. Zionist propaganda and the corruption of culture

The Iranians are very hot on uncovering Zionist plots. A new Iranian documentary claims that the Harry Potter film, “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,” is crammed full of symbols designed to brainwash the youth of Iran.

According to the film's narrator, the film “serves to spread the dark and evil essence of Zionism and its goals."

Did you know that the creators of Mickey Mouse have also produced Zionist propaganda? Apparently, an assortment of villainous characters in various Disney films (such as Aladdin) give Arabs a bad name. "Pirates of the Caribbean" is also suspect, according to the Iranians.

In 2007, things got even weirder. In a Hamas children’s cartoon, a Mickey Mouse lookalike called Farfour, who spent most of his time teaching jihad to kids,  was killed by a Zionist "terrorist." "Farfour was martyred while defending his land," said Sara, the teen presenter. Poor Farfour. All he ever wanted was to destroy the Jewish state.

A recent report by Iran’s Press TV revealed that “Zionist lobbies are feeding mainstream British media.” Furthermore, the same lobbies “are also meddling in the book and music industry of the UK to silence anti-Zionist voices.”

Iran has also astutely observed that the London 2012 Olympic logo spells “Zion” and that the games are part of a Zionist plot.

Presumably, every gold medallist will be a Jew.




5. Zionism and disease

According to Iranian TV (yes, it’s Iran again), the creation of swine flu was masterminded by Zionists and Donald Rumsfeld, the secretary of defense in the Bush administration. Egyptian government official Sheikh Ali Osman went further by issuing a Fatwa, stating that because the Jews are the source of pigs, they are therefore the source of swine flu. In order to rid the world of swine flu, it is permissible to kill all Jews, he said. Let's hope this guy never runs for the Egyptian presidency.

In 2006, a Syrian-run newspaper blamed Israel for the spread of bird flu. Are Jews the source of birds too?

Back in 2004, Saudis were warned not to buy Israeli melons in case they were infected with the HIV virus.  The Israelis have also been accused of deliberately spreading HIV among Palestinians and turning them into drug addicts.

It is not just the finest minds in the Middle East that have rumbled Israel’s evil plans. Desiree Rover, a journalist from Holland, told De Telegraf that the bird flu pandemic was part of a Zionist conspiracy to reduce the world's population.

According to Rover, the descendants of the ancient Khazars who converted to Judaism 1,200 years are behind the conspiracy. Oh, and they also worship Satan.



There are many more Zionist conspiracy theories, not to mention a plethora of anti-Semitic canards that are centuries old. New accusations and libels pop up quite regularly, the latest one being that Zionists are in the business of harvesting body parts. 

One thing concerns me, though. If there is a Zionist conspiracy, why haven’t I received my instructions?

Or maybe I have and I’m just not telling you.